Monday, June 25, 2012

It takes two.....


Last week I caught up with a friend. A friend that I don't see to often, but when we do we just seem to pick up like it was yesterday. She's amazing. She's strong, energetic, street savy and has been a great friend for a long time.

I love when we get together. We laugh, catch up on missing months, play with each others kids, enjoy watching our kids play like they saw each other yesterday, and just hang comfortably like we used to.

This visit however came with a punch.
She's smiled sweetly, has given me a hello hug and then burst into tears.
WHAT? Whats wrong, whose sick, is everyone OK?? All the questions ran through my head as I held her and said 'shhhh, we'll talk it out, it's Ok, it's Ok'

It's her marriage.
She feels her marriage isn't going well anymore. Her rock that has been there for the last 7 years isn't feeling so stable anymore. What do I say?
I don't.
I listen, listen and listen some more.
They have remained faithful, they still love each other, but just don't talk much anymore. She's at home with the kids, he's at work and when he walks in they both eat at the couch, watch tv then go off to bed at separate times. He doesn't appreicate her, he doesn't touch her, hug her..........
They've lost touch.

It got me thinking. What do I do to keep that balance? I don't know?
We both leave random each other notes, we take turns in cooking each other beautiful meals. If he doesn't come to me for a hug then I'll go to him. Complement each other, have joke with each other, spend time just one on one. For us though, most importantly, we must have a hug before he gets out of bed to get ready for work. Nothing beats a close, morning, warm hug.

It's been a BIG reminder to me that marriage is hard work. It does need to be tendered, and it needs to be tendered by both parties. It shouldn't always be up to the guys to buy the flowers, leave the notes etc, IT TAKES TWO.

I'm not sure where my friends marriage is headed? I suggested some time away from the kids, together - alone. Some talking, some wine to relax over, some hugs ..........

What do you do to show your partner you love them? 
What would you have suggested? 


  1. Oh, this is so tough! You're absolutely right. Marriage takes work and both parties have to be committed to keeping that flame alive. I hope everything works out in the way that's best.

  2. It sounds like you were a wonderful friend just being there and being a ear for her, it always feels good to get things off your chest. I hope that your friend has a chance to talk to her husband about how she feels and that things work out. My hubby and I go out on monthly dates which has been a great way to be together as a couple and just keeping communication open all the time helps so much I think.


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